Saturday, December 1, 2007

Sleepless in Hippoland

The 3rd trimester insomnia/uncomfortableness is killing me here. I'm just getting over a horrible upper respiratory infection and a week of being a walking snot faucet and now I can't sleep. At all.

Also, did I ever happen to mention on this blog how WB got that particular moniker? It stands for Wild Boar...which is exactly what he sounds like when he sleeps. Seriously. I am not exaggerating at all. The first time he ever spent the night and slept (evidently he stayed up all not a few times, knowing just how terrifying the first exposure could be), I woke up in the middle of the night convinced there was some sort of wild animal in my bed. While that can be a good thing in the waking hours, when you're trying to sleep through that sound in your ear (night after night) it can try even the calmest and most patient of nerves.

I am all the way across our huge floor through apartment and he is in the bedroom behind a closed door and I hear him loud and clear right now. And even 1000 feet away (I totally made up that number, I have no idea how far it is, just far enough that any normal person's snoring would not be audible) its incredibly annoying. No, really. Trust me. I'm cringing as I type this.

Every night I wear the highest decibel blocking earplugs I can find in the drugstore and he wears a nasal snore strip and one of 3 things inevitably happens at some point in the night:
1. I ruthlessly kick him out of bed and force him to sleep on the very uncomfortable couch. When he carries the next child, he can kick me out of bed.
2. I scream out desperately at the top of my lungs "WB! PULEEZE STOP! JUST STOP! HAVE MERCY ON MY POOR MISERABLE SLEEP DEPRIVED SOUL!"
3. I try and smother him with a pillow.

This nightly cacophonous racket, compounded with an already difficult period sleep wise does not bode well for our little family. Either I will end up a Benadryl addict shivering and alone in an alley somewhere sniffling for my fix and crying that "I just need a little sleep man, just a little!" or the first ever adenoid removal surgery performed in a bedroom just might take place. I'm gazing longingly at the kitchen knives right now.

[Great! Guess who just decided that now would be a perfect time to start to use my abdomen for boxing training? If you need to find me, I'll still be here....awake and miserable all night folks. That's right! 24 hours a day of guaranteed fun!]


David said...

Since I don't want to use real names, my current pal who I will call Alec Baldwin (because that's kind of who he looks like) snores terribly. We can't sleep in the same bed together. This presents major problems as I think about any kind of future we may have. If we go out of town will we have to get separate rooms? Can you really hear WB at the other end of your HUGE apartment? Alec is not that bad.


hoosier steve said...

Look at it this way, in a couple of months the crying baby will keep you both up a lot of the night.
I know you are uncomfortable, but I have to say the image of you "Benadryl addict shivering and alone in an alley somewhere sniffling for my fix and crying that "I just need a little sleep man, just a little!" is one of the funnier things I have read in awhile.
You may be tired and miserable, but you still bring a smile to my face, and you didn't even have to say tummy...damn that word is even funny sober.

Another Limited Rebellion said...

I used to have a roommate who snored. I would wake up and tell him to roll over and the snoring would stop. At the end of the semester I mentioned this to him and he had no memory of me ever telling him to do it! Any chance that would work on WB?

Janine Serresseque said...

I completely relate, as my excellent SO is also a snorer. White noise, an air purifier and some wine sometimes do the trick when used simultaneously. What I think is peculiar is that he can sleep through the noise he's making, even though it resonates from his own face, yet he wakes up when I emit as much as a sigh. I have seen these earplugs online that block noise, plus produce "white noise." They are very, very expensive.

Arties32 said...

All kidding aside, sleep apnea is a serious thing. I have it. When you snore and make noises like that, it is time to go to your ENT and then to a sleep lab. Does he know that his organs aren't getting the oxygen they need? He might end up using a CPAP and feeling competely ridiculous, but it will prolong his life, and give you a lifetime of uninterrupted sleep. Just a little advice from a Jewish Mother. OK I'm not a mother, but I'm Jewish! Love- Chickie Face (Muffin Face's sister)

Kisses said...

I had the same problem with my otherwise very compatible husband. He mentioned it to his dentist, who solved the problem by making a mouth-guard that is worn at night. He only had to wear it a few times and the snoring completely stopped. Now once every six months or even less than that, he'll snore to keep the whole neighborhood awake -- when I tell him (he never hears it himself - amazing!) he'll wear the mouth-guard one time, and problem is solved. It does sound funny to those who don't live with this problem, but it can strain even the greatest relationship, and this is an easy solution. The dentist charged a few hundred dollars -- don't remember the exact amount -- but it did not require overnight at a sleep clinic or anything! A good investment, I would do it again in a heartbeat! Happy thoughts for all three of you! :)

Kisses said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pnlkotula said...

LSB - I'm late on this - just found your blog, and while I hate to be one of those, "when I was pregnant..." people, I will for just a minute. In the uncomfortable stage, I had a real problem with my right shoulder and couldn't sleep very well in my bed. We brought a recliner into the bedroom and I was able to sleep more comfortably there. Doesn't help you if you don't have one, but there you have it, and we'd be happy to loan ours out. REALLY happy the blood pressure scare is over. I, too, wear the earplugs, and they aren't enough without the sound machine. Get thee to Bed Bath and Beyond!

Love to you and your little one.