No baby yet, but it looks like a far closer race between birth and death than any of us would wish for. I'm pretty sure birth will occur first, but unfortunately the joy and sadness will be pretty intermingled.
They already are.
Mimi has agreed to go into hospice and hopefully they'll be able to make her very comfortable at home. She is pretty much no longer able to do anything on her own- last night WB and I had to run out there at 1am (she couldn't get my Dad on the phone, who was sleeping in the next room) to cover her with more blankets...blankets that are situated on a chair beside the recliner she sleeps in. That's about where we're at now, she can't even reach right next to her to get a blanket when she's cold. Sitting upright isn't even always doable- she's been doing the world's best leaning tower of Pisa impression lately. Dad says that she fell out of the wheelchair today and now needs to be strapped in. I don't even know what to say...its more heartbreaking than you could ever even imagine, and to be going through it while on the verge of becoming a mother myself...well, needless to say my emotional state is pretty damn fragile.
At the beautiful blessingway that was thrown for me last wed (which I totally wanted to get to write about), I feel like I created a space for joy amidst all the grief. It has been incredibly challenging to maintain that space and not let it be overwhelmed by grief and sadness. I don't want to birth my baby in sadness- I don't want his story to begin that way.
Fuck, I don't want any of this story to be happening this way.
I guess I don't really have a choice, do I?