Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Interminable Wait AND My Beautiful Surprise

We have our 2nd trimester ultrasound today at 3:20pm. Yes, this is the ultrasound where we potentially get to find out the sex of the baby, providing the LFM complies and decides to reveal all. If it takes after its mother, it certainly will; if it takes after its father then modesty will undoubtedly prevail. Come on, LFM, be Mama's little monkey, just for today. After that, please adopt the easy going nature of your father, or we'll all be in trouble.

In the meantime, I'm trying desperately to hold on to my sanity until then, amidst a virtual standstill of time. Amidst a virtual standstill of time combined with a slightly stressful day at work, I might add. This is not fun. I think my head exploded an hour ago.

At 2:00pm I'll go get a little bit of coffee (our fabulous doula's suggestion), so that hopefully the LFM will be nice and active and not stubbornly showing us his or her butt only. That will take up, oh, about 10 minutes. Great. And as for the other 160 minutes???

I received the most wonderful surprise the other day, from one of the women in the Birth Circle that I go to (its a support system for women seeking natural birthing experiences- mostly for women doing home birth-which we'd love to do, but can't afford this time around, as insurance doesn't cover it and we don't even have monopoly money to spend after the move and all). At the last birth circle I was talking about how I would love to have a positive self image during this time (I believe my exact words were "I want to feel like fertile goddess") but how difficult I was finding that to be when faced with the plethora of not-so-wonderful comments I receive on a daily basis from total strangers and your average thug on the street with his pants around his ankles. The Nurturer had suggested that I designate a candle for positive thoughts and self affirmation, and light that candle whenever I was feeling negative about myself or life in general.

When I arrived home from a particularly upsetting day on Monday, I found a gift bag that had been left on the porch for me, containing a large pear scented (my favorite!) candle hand painted with a circle of women's faces superimposed on beautiful orange yellow flames. It even has glitter! The card accompanying the gift talked about how the circle of women in the candle represents the circle of women supporting me through my birth journey.

And it was just what I've needed. I have lit the candle every night and spent at least a few minutes by myself, feeling more centered and supported, and all from this one little surprise gift from someone I barely know at all. Sometimes the universe just hands you these wonderful experiences when you need them most. Thank you, Nuturer. You have, in a very simple way, given me a little extra peace of mind. That is invaluable.

2 comments:

Sparky (& Wengen) said...

Well, it's not 2 p.m. yet, so you've not had your coffee...I do hope your head is still intact. I won't bother with calm words of soothing - you know I'm an impatient SOB (just ask Wengen)! I'm anxious to hear to which gender the LFM belongs...hmm, that just doesn't sound right. Anyway, once you know we'll know what color Maglite to buy the LFM, so she/he will get a jump start on a sensible career as a theatre techie! I confess I have not read every posting, but I saw the photos of your move...you needed to label the plant for the kitchen...were you afraid it might end up in the linen closet? And people tell me I'm compulsive! Lots of love!

Jessica said...

Hooray. Today's the day!! Hoping the LFM did a dance for you! Love, J