There are many things about these last moments that I don't want to remember...that I desperately hope I don't remember. I would rather remember the years of laughter, camaraderie and extreme closeness that I shared with my mother. But there are some conversational snapshots that I don't want to forget.
..........................................................................................................................
M: When is he coming?
S: The baby?
M: Of course
S: Hopefully soon. You know, we can ask the midwife for the birth drink* if you want us to.
..........................................................................................................................
M: When is he coming?
S: The baby?
M: Of course
S: Hopefully soon. You know, we can ask the midwife for the birth drink* if you want us to.
M: Nah, let nature take its course
S: Ok, but we don't mind, Mimi. I know you're holding on just to see him.
M: Well, yes, kind of. I guess I am.
S: And I don't want you hanging on by your bootstraps and miserable just waiting.
M: Don't worry, I won't. Its ok, first come, first served.
**the birth drink is an all herbal drink that can sometimes bring on labor if the body is ready
................................................................................................................
S: Would you like me to sit in here with you quietly while you fall asleep?
M: [smiling a big smile] That sounds wonderful!
S: Just so you know I'm here
M: Yes, that's important
S: But you know I'm always always here, even when I'm not. I leave my heart right here with you [points to pillow right beside Mimi's head]
M: [eyes wide] You're not afraid you'll forget where it is?
S: Nope. It only needs to be in 3 places right now, here [points to pillow], in my belly, and with WB.
M: Its very important.
S: What is?
M: To follow your heart.
S: Is that what you've done, Mimi?
M: I guess. Sometimes. But... [trails off]
S: Is that what you want to tell me, Mimi, to always follow my heart?
M: Yes, its important. Very important.
S: Ok.
[Talking to LFM in the belly]
Your Mimi says you have to always follow your heart. She says its very important and she wants me to pass that along to you too.
M: Yes, its very important. Follow your heart, however...[trails off again]
S: However?
M: [looks confused] Huh?
S: You told me to always follow my heart, but then you said however....
M: [looks confused, shrugs a bit]
S: You'll tell me later, when you wake up.
M: Yes.
.........................................................................................................................
S: Comfy?
M: Yes! Very!
S: You sure?
M: Yes, I just need a huge from someone and I'm all set.
S: I can do that. Do you need a love hug or a lift hug?**
M: A love hug will do just fine.
S: I always have a big hug for you, Mimi
M: Not as big as the hug I have for you!
S: That's the sweetest thing I've heard in forever.
M: Good, I'm glad.
........................................................................................................................
M: [smiling, out of the blue...] That feels soooo good
S: What feels so good Mimi?
M: To have such wonderful friends.
.........................................................................................................................
M: I've never even heard of such a thing!
S: What's that, Mimi?
M: A quickstop. I never even heard of such a thing before tonight!
(Dad: What's that?)
S: A quickstop?
M: Yes.
S: Well, neither have I!
.........................................................................................................................
WB's parents flew in from Puerto Rico and came by the house last night to meet me and my family. They had a really sweet little visit, in which WB's father, El Original, held Mimi's hand nonstop with such gentle caring, and Mimi made WB's mother's day when she proclaimed with wide eyes "You look so young!". We also took a family photo, at El Original's suggestion...something I'm already so thankful to have. Mimi reiterated with great resolve that she WILL be here to see the baby, and there was so much beautiful love in that room that I will be eternally grateful for those moments. When they left the room, the following conversation took place:
S: How was that? Was that okay? Not too overwhelming?
M: No, that was wonderful. But that was such a surprise! **
S: Was it a good surprise, though?
M: It was the BEST surprise!
(**We had told her they were coming, she just forgot)
S: Ok, but we don't mind, Mimi. I know you're holding on just to see him.
M: Well, yes, kind of. I guess I am.
S: And I don't want you hanging on by your bootstraps and miserable just waiting.
M: Don't worry, I won't. Its ok, first come, first served.
**the birth drink is an all herbal drink that can sometimes bring on labor if the body is ready
................................................................................................................
S: Would you like me to sit in here with you quietly while you fall asleep?
M: [smiling a big smile] That sounds wonderful!
S: Just so you know I'm here
M: Yes, that's important
S: But you know I'm always always here, even when I'm not. I leave my heart right here with you [points to pillow right beside Mimi's head]
M: [eyes wide] You're not afraid you'll forget where it is?
S: Nope. It only needs to be in 3 places right now, here [points to pillow], in my belly, and with WB.
M: Its very important.
S: What is?
M: To follow your heart.
S: Is that what you've done, Mimi?
M: I guess. Sometimes. But... [trails off]
S: Is that what you want to tell me, Mimi, to always follow my heart?
M: Yes, its important. Very important.
S: Ok.
[Talking to LFM in the belly]
Your Mimi says you have to always follow your heart. She says its very important and she wants me to pass that along to you too.
M: Yes, its very important. Follow your heart, however...[trails off again]
S: However?
M: [looks confused] Huh?
S: You told me to always follow my heart, but then you said however....
M: [looks confused, shrugs a bit]
S: You'll tell me later, when you wake up.
M: Yes.
.........................................................................................................................
S: Comfy?
M: Yes! Very!
S: You sure?
M: Yes, I just need a huge from someone and I'm all set.
S: I can do that. Do you need a love hug or a lift hug?**
M: A love hug will do just fine.
S: I always have a big hug for you, Mimi
M: Not as big as the hug I have for you!
S: That's the sweetest thing I've heard in forever.
M: Good, I'm glad.
........................................................................................................................
M: [smiling, out of the blue...] That feels soooo good
S: What feels so good Mimi?
M: To have such wonderful friends.
.........................................................................................................................
M: I've never even heard of such a thing!
S: What's that, Mimi?
M: A quickstop. I never even heard of such a thing before tonight!
(Dad: What's that?)
S: A quickstop?
M: Yes.
S: Well, neither have I!
.........................................................................................................................
WB's parents flew in from Puerto Rico and came by the house last night to meet me and my family. They had a really sweet little visit, in which WB's father, El Original, held Mimi's hand nonstop with such gentle caring, and Mimi made WB's mother's day when she proclaimed with wide eyes "You look so young!". We also took a family photo, at El Original's suggestion...something I'm already so thankful to have. Mimi reiterated with great resolve that she WILL be here to see the baby, and there was so much beautiful love in that room that I will be eternally grateful for those moments. When they left the room, the following conversation took place:
S: How was that? Was that okay? Not too overwhelming?
M: No, that was wonderful. But that was such a surprise! **
S: Was it a good surprise, though?
M: It was the BEST surprise!
(**We had told her they were coming, she just forgot)
9 comments:
I cried such beautiful tears while reading this.
Still thinking of you. Stay strong and beautiful.
Your mother is a beautiful woman and will always be with you as you go through your life as a mother.
We love you both.
Please give her a big I love you mother f***er from me.
this is a beautiful post.
love
j
Hi Hon,
Thanks for checking in. I've been checking your blog lots to see what's been going on. Eh. I don't have any big words or wisdom or anything to say that could possibly make this any easier, but I'm thinking of you all the time. I am still really excited for you about your baby and also very very sad that your mom is so ill and this is all happening at the same time.
I'm so glad you're recording these moments. Still thinking of you all constantly and wishing you all peace. Much love.
I love you and am with you in thought and prayer.
I'm glad the visit from WB's parents is going well. It is great that they're getting to meet her so they'll have a face to attach to the wonderful stories you'll have to tell about her for years to come.
M sends his love to both you and WB. Mr. P blows you raspberries and shares his beloved cheerios with you because he thinks you could use them.
There if you need me, Tzuzu
Thank you for posting your conversations. I can see the two of you together, and feel the love between you. I'm hold back tears to write this, tears of both sadness and love because of these last moments together being so tender. I'm so happy that Los Padres got to spend time and that El Original thought of the family photo. Muchas besos, bisous
It's really lovely, S. Keeping a ring of light around you.
Lisa
these are the most beautiful things I have ever read. I, too am writting through the tears. I am so proud of my strong, beautiful friend and please remember that when you need me I am here.
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