Thursday, May 22, 2008

PPD

I have a post in the works about mother's day, but who knows when it will be completed. Instead I'm living (and posting) in the moment. And the moment is and has been pretty tough lately. I've been dealing with some very heavy post partum depression mixed with a liberal dose of grief and that's just not my favorite recipe in the world. I'm feeling pretty fragile these days...like cracked pottery that just might break into a million fragments the next time you put it in the dishwasher of life. I didn't even fully realize how hard its been and the extent of what I've been feeling until I went to see our wonderful wise midwife the other day and my busy bee facade of I'm handling it just crumbled before her gentle loving gaze. The truth is I'm a mess. A huge weepy overwhelmed mess. And now I'm putting my mess out there for all the world to see. I am not handling things well, and I pretty much want to hide under the covers and cry all the time. But I can't. The LFM needs me, WB needs me, the laundry...well, never mind, at this point the apartment is one giant metaphor for my emotional state. Hopeless.

And amidst all of this, my father (and everyone else really) is pressuring me to take advantage of the real estate market and buy a house with Mimi's death money as a substantial down payment. Because you know, when I'm overwhelmed and sobbing from little things like making dinner or getting the car inspected, that's the perfect time to make major life decisions, right?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you are struggling. Call me anytime..I am here for you. *Lots of hugs*

Rachel

Jon said...

I am sorry things are not running too smooth for you right now (I know, big understatement). Hang in there.

laurielou said...

Hey sugar twin....well I am thinking of u fo' sho'! Now under that mess in ur apartment...and lots of stress that is NORMAL and top that with 9+ previous months of other stress...u DESERVE to feel a litttle punky or a whole lot punky. Know that I am proud of u.

Corine N. McHugh said...

ma cherie - fait ce que tu veut a ces moments - les choix de la vie sont que pour toi et ta petite famille. Il faut que tu ecoutes ton coeur, il faut que tu arretes a faire plaisir a tout le monde! Etre anarchiste! Maintenant il est essentiel que tu soignes ton coeur! Les grands decisions dans la vie peuvent attendre.
bisous -coco