I have a post in the works about mother's day, but who knows when it will be completed. Instead I'm living (and posting) in the moment. And the moment is and has been pretty tough lately. I've been dealing with some very heavy post partum depression mixed with a liberal dose of grief and that's just not my favorite recipe in the world. I'm feeling pretty fragile these days...like cracked pottery that just might break into a million fragments the next time you put it in the dishwasher of life. I didn't even fully realize how hard its been and the extent of what I've been feeling until I went to see our wonderful wise midwife the other day and my busy bee facade of I'm handling it just crumbled before her gentle loving gaze. The truth is I'm a mess. A huge weepy overwhelmed mess. And now I'm putting my mess out there for all the world to see. I am not handling things well, and I pretty much want to hide under the covers and cry all the time. But I can't. The LFM needs me, WB needs me, the laundry...well, never mind, at this point the apartment is one giant metaphor for my emotional state. Hopeless.
And amidst all of this, my father (and everyone else really) is pressuring me to take advantage of the real estate market and buy a house with Mimi's death money as a substantial down payment. Because you know, when I'm overwhelmed and sobbing from little things like making dinner or getting the car inspected, that's the perfect time to make major life decisions, right?
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
A Wild Boar and a Very Silly Monkey fell in love and created a wonderful life together in the big crazy city. And then one day, all of a sudden and out of the blue and all those other cliches, the best surprise imaginable came into their lives......
Contributors
About Me: Le Synge Bleu
I have this recurring nightmare that I'm asked to define myself in some way in precisely 1200 characters or less. The words parade around me in a grotesque circle dance to Disney's "It's a small world after all", gradually inprisoning me in the box they've formed around me. I can't seem to escape this box-o-words, despite numerous desperate editing attempts, and the words are mocking me and shouting slanderous epithets galore about my semantic failures. I wake up, sobbing, and thankful to be in my bed and not at a computer frantically typing and deleting like a madwoman. Clearly, I'm a giant neurotic contradiction in and of myself (who gets way too little sleep to boot). Despite my massive insecurity, I can be pretty fun though...I mean, who doesn't love self depricating humor...it's funny right? Right? Ha ha? I try mightily to live life as one huge adventure, but the majority of the time it ends up being a bit of a farce. My new evaluative criteria when it comes to life experiences tends to be, "Will it make a good story one day? Then it was worth it." I also have an evil man hating attack cat that I adore and everyone else flees from.
4 comments:
I am so sorry you are struggling. Call me anytime..I am here for you. *Lots of hugs*
Rachel
I am sorry things are not running too smooth for you right now (I know, big understatement). Hang in there.
Hey sugar twin....well I am thinking of u fo' sho'! Now under that mess in ur apartment...and lots of stress that is NORMAL and top that with 9+ previous months of other stress...u DESERVE to feel a litttle punky or a whole lot punky. Know that I am proud of u.
ma cherie - fait ce que tu veut a ces moments - les choix de la vie sont que pour toi et ta petite famille. Il faut que tu ecoutes ton coeur, il faut que tu arretes a faire plaisir a tout le monde! Etre anarchiste! Maintenant il est essentiel que tu soignes ton coeur! Les grands decisions dans la vie peuvent attendre.
bisous -coco
Post a Comment